Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Memories: The Good, The Beautiful, The Painful

What is it about human beings that, so often, instead of looking forward, they look back? Why do we tend to live our lives in the past, rethinking decisions, regretting missed opportunities (I have so many of those), and wishing we were there instead of here? It must have something to do with our sin nature. Because that's always the case. We are part sin, and therefore everything we do that's not perfect is affected by that (which is everything.). Here are some memories I recalled the past few days:

Years and years ago, I don't even know for sure how long ago, Greenleaf Music and Arts Academy had a Talent Show. My brother Paul and I got this great idea for a choreographed fight scene titled Samson and DeLion. It's possible that name was the brainchild of another of my brothers, Johnny, who thinks in bad puns such as that one. : ) Anyway, we went ahead with it and staged an elaborate scene which included me dressed up in a lion suit/costume and getting thrown around the stage, fighting with swords, and eventually getting pinned. It was so long ago, I don't even remember completely everything. It's vague, but funny to look back on.

A quick one, from about ten years ago (an estimation). Another brother, Daniel, helped me with a grand plan: to construct a scarecrow out of my clothing and situate it in a chair in the living room around dinner time. I can still remember gleefully hiding behind the chair waiting for somebody to look for me.

On a more sober note:

The time I told you to shut up, and walked away, not caring what you thought or felt.

Wasting time on the computer for hours. Where is the time now? What did that waste do for me? Nothing.

A recent memory:
Gliding across still water, hearing distant splashing, laughter, and happy voices. Looking up and seeing silent stars, hanging, waiting...for what? Enjoying the company in the shaky canoe; talking about things it's hard to have a normal, open, comfortable, unembaressing conversation about, and succeeding.

Walks into darkness. Discovering light.


  1. Good post. I don't remember the scarecrow episode, but Samson and Delion rocked!(And you're right about JB thinking in bad puns, ha ha.) I like the more poetic writing at the end, too.

  2. Hmm. I think it has a lot to do with our wanting to be loved, accepted, perfect, important people. We worry about the things we've done in the past and how that affects how people view us. We want to be thought of highly, and we all have regrets because we didn't meet our expectations of being what we wanted ourselves to be. The truth is, we all have times like that, and they all pass, and it's over. We learn (sometimes) from them and then move on to do other stupid things, and then look back and regret those. =] It's just a part of who we are--always wanting to be better and wishing we hadn't done or said something, I think. Good thoughts.
    I know I've barely posted since I've gotten the blog...but I like keeping up with all my friends who are facebook-less. I enjoy all the good things you have to say. For real.

  3. i think we tend to remember the past in extremes --- it was either wonderful or horrible. in time, one viewpoint can even change to the other. c.s. lewis, i think it was, said something about humans not being created as time-bound beings, so we're always constantly surprised at both how slowly and how quickly time passes. maybe we're just altogether not comfortable within the framework of time.